I originally started this blog after having my first child. I was embarking on a weight loss journey and having a blog was an assignment for a class I was in, so it was a perfect fit. I’ve always loved to write, and it was freeing to be able to share parts of my life online. But then life happened, as it often does, the class ended, and I stopped posting.
I nearly made it to my weight loss goal, then got pregnant with #2. She is an amazing blessing. I always wanted to come back to the blog, but didn’t know how to when I wasn’t losing weight. Then I got pregnant with #3 before losing weight, miscarried #4 and gained weight in depression, and now I’m nursing #5 and have gained more weight. While I am focusing on becoming healthier, I do not want weight loss to consume me, so how could I come back to the blog?
My 20s are now coming to an end and I have discovered I lost myself in the process of building a family. I love my family and being a stay-at-home mom is the best job in the world for me. But I discovered I don’t have a hobby, or really know who I am or what my 30s will be about.
While trying to deal with my mini-identity crisis, I realized the root of my issues is that I’m too afraid to love myself as I am. I always have an excuse, and it always has to do with my weight. I’m unlovable to myself unless I’m a certain weight or size. The interesting part about this is, the smaller I got the smaller that “lovable” mark got and it can never be obtained. So I’m done. I’m tired of not loving myself. I’m starting now.
My goal for my thirties (and beyond) is to discover who God made me to be and how to love that person as she is. Not as she will be, but with all of her faults and scars. I refuse to hide in the shadows anymore. I’m not going to let fear stop me from living the life God has blessed me with.
My kids are going to love this because it means I’ll be more willing to say yes. I won’t be afraid to go to the park and be judged by someone thinner than I am. Let them judge, I’m going to play with my kids. I’m going to be less serious, but also figure out what I enjoy.
I’m going to figure out what my hobbies are. I love to write so I’m writing again. My blog is going to take a new format...the biggest is that it is going to be written again lol. But it is no longer about weight loss. This blog is about me, being me.
I also want to try my hand at photography. I love pictures. I take more than I should every day. But I’m ready for those pictures to be more than cell phone portraits. I’ve had a DSLR for 6 years, and I’m ready to learn how to use it.
I also love to travel. My husband and I both love road trips and our kids have been on more cross country trips than many adults. We love to set out in the car not sure exactly of where we are going, and just go. Our kids have been able to learn about some of the oldest cities in our country on these trips. They have seen wildlife and learned about geothermal activity in Yellowstone. Our best schooling moments are on these trips.
So join me, or don’t, as I learn about this person God has made. He made me for this life and I want to live every day to His fullest. No more waiting. On my mark, get set, GO!
