Monday, February 12, 2018

On your mark, get set, GO!

I originally started this blog after having my first child. I was embarking on a weight loss journey and having a blog was an assignment for a class I was in, so it was a perfect fit. I’ve always loved to write, and it was freeing to be able to share parts of my life online. But then life happened, as it often does, the class ended, and I stopped posting. 

I nearly made it to my weight loss goal, then got pregnant with #2. She is an amazing blessing. I always wanted to come back to the blog, but didn’t know how to when I wasn’t losing weight. Then I got pregnant with #3 before losing weight, miscarried #4 and gained weight in depression, and now I’m nursing #5 and have gained more weight. While I am focusing on becoming healthier, I do not want weight loss to consume me, so how could I come back to the blog?

My 20s are now coming to an end and I have discovered I lost myself in the process of building a family. I love my family and being a stay-at-home mom is the best job in the world for me. But I discovered I don’t have a hobby, or really know who I am or what my 30s will be about. 

While trying to deal with my mini-identity crisis, I realized the root of my issues is that I’m too afraid to love myself as I am. I always have an excuse, and it always has to do with my weight. I’m unlovable to myself unless I’m a certain weight or size. The interesting part about this is, the smaller I got the smaller that “lovable” mark got and it can never be obtained. So I’m done. I’m tired of not loving myself. I’m starting now. 

My goal for my thirties (and beyond) is to discover who God made me to be and how to love that person as she is. Not as she will be, but with all of her faults and scars. I refuse to hide in the shadows anymore. I’m not going to let fear stop me from living the life God has blessed me with.

My kids are going to love this because it means I’ll be more willing to say yes. I won’t be afraid to go to the park and be judged by someone thinner than I am. Let them judge, I’m going to play with my kids. I’m going to be less serious, but also figure out what I enjoy.

I’m going to figure out what my hobbies are. I love to write so I’m writing again. My blog is going to take a new format...the biggest is that it is going to be written again lol. But it is no longer about weight loss. This blog is about me, being me. 

I also want to try my hand at photography. I love pictures. I take more than I should every day. But I’m ready for those pictures to be more than cell phone portraits. I’ve had a DSLR for 6 years, and I’m ready to learn how to use it. 

I also love to travel. My husband and I both love road trips and our kids have been on more cross country trips than many adults. We love to set out in the car not sure exactly of where we are going, and just go. Our kids have been able to learn about some of the oldest cities in our country on these trips. They have seen wildlife and learned about geothermal activity in Yellowstone. Our best schooling moments are on these trips.  

So join me, or don’t, as I learn about this person God has made. He made me for this life and I want to live every day to His fullest. No more waiting. On my mark, get set, GO! 

Monday, October 1, 2012

Senior Slump and Milestones

Okay, I’m officially a senior this year, and the school work is as to be expected, overwhelming. The abundance of assignments is why I have not been posting, but it has not kept me from working out! I was on the elliptical every week-day last week and it was great. I have finished the 30 minute running program (again), but this time I have “hills” to run over. The last runs (29 or 30 minutes running and 10 minutes walking) I have gone 3.23 and 3.25 miles according to the elliptical. It felt great!
I have decided I will continue to run daily during the week, giving myself the weekend off to rest and play. I will do the hour program on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and then 30 minute runs on Tuesdays and Thursdays! I am SO excited about it. And, for the first time in my life I will be getting the recommended minimum amount of daily activity…actually, honestly I’ll be getting more, because it’s pretty intense activity. Plus, I am still doing my ab work on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
On to other news…I reached an exciting milestone this week. No, it is not necessarily a weight milestone (though I’m only about 5 pounds away from 70 pounds lost), but it’s still very exciting. I am currently sitting in my chair in my favorite pair of pre-pregnancy jeans!!! They were my favorite jeans pre-pregnancy, not just now, and I am SOOO excited to be back in them.
Almost all of the clothes I wore when I got pregnant fit now, the only things that don’t are a few shirts, and they may not fit until I’m much smaller than I was due to differences in my body caused by having a baby. I won’t complain about those body parts being bigger though, if you know what I mean! I probably shouldn’t have said that, but it’s true!
It is very possible to hope to be at 70 pounds lost in two weeks. And I have a special reason to hope that. I will be venturing on a weekend trip with my hubby to a special football game that weekend. If I am at that goal I will be where I was 2 years ago at the same game! I am so excited to see the results. I feel so blessed that God is allowing the weight to come off.
 I still don’t love working out, but I can tolerate it and I’m excited to do it because of the differences it is making in my stamina. I love the way my lungs feel after a good run, and I’m beginning to really love the sweat a good run brings about. It just amazes me at how God made our bodies, to keep itself cool, to work to keep itself healthy, and even to repair damage we have done to it…at least this damage anyway.
The whole process reminds me of how blessed I am to have second chances. I’m so grateful that God not only is giving me a second chance with my body, but that He gives us second chances in our lives. I am so grateful for His redemption through sin. It amazes me that He suffered as He did, both as the Son on the cross, and as the Father turning away from His Son, just so He can have a relationship with us. I’m so blessed that He would allow me to come to Him freely, and about anything. It is just so humbling to realize that He is willing to listen to me thank Him for weight loss and activity, as well as to listen as I request He help me continue to lose weight.
Maybe there is too much to say for this to be a blog post. So sorry it was so long, but I hope you are celebrating the milestones with my anyway. And, if you do not know the second chances that God has given that I am so thankful for, send me a message and I’ll tell you a little more about. Or head to any bible preaching church (doesn’t matter denomination or church name, just that they preach truth from the bible) and someone there can tell you about it as well.

Friday, September 14, 2012

I'm back!!

Yes, I did fall off the face of the earth for a few weeks. School has started again, and my little Aria is quite mobile now, so I have had trouble getting to the computer. And, to tell the truth I had a bad week when it came to weight loss. I think it was beneficial though. I gained two pounds the week of the 24th, but I’ve been on a losing streak since then. I am officially down OVER 60 pounds now!!! I'm down 62 pounds actually!!!

The bad week led to a new resolve. I have worked very hard to lose weight again, and am back on track. That week reminded me of why I am doing this, for health. I want to be a healthy woman, and mom. I want to be at a healthy weight during my next pregnancy. And, lately I’ve realized how ready I am for that next baby. Getting to my goal weight is all that stands in my way.
Working out has become fun again. I look forward to doing my crunches and to hopping on the elliptical. I have gone back a few weeks in my 5K running program, and have added resistance to the elliptical. It’s SO much harder running through the false hills the elliptical creates, than running without resistance. I just listen to my music and press forward. I have even started smiling while I “run” again.
Anyway, I don’t know what I should say. This blog post is really horrible, but I wanted to thank you all for following so far, and to reassure you that I’m not quitting, but that I’m trucking right along. I will be at that goal by graduation. I’ll try not to stay away from the computer so long. Stick with me and celebrate with me as I continue to encounter these milestones in weight loss.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Lessons From an Infant

This morning I came to a heart wrenching conclusion. My husband and I have spent a lot of time stressing about work. As we begin to take steps on a path that we are certain God placed us on, we got focused on the numbers. I was reading a book by a friend this morning, and through it realized just how far away I was from God. I couldn't believe it! Just two weeks ago I was wrapped up in Him, but today I could see he was about a mile away.

How could this happen? We have been trying so hard, and working so diligently on the plans He placed in our hearts. Oh...I guess that's how it happened. We got caught up in the plans and goals that we forgot to focus on the planner!

Later in the morning Aria demonstrated how easy that was. Aria was following me from room to room. She had followed me through the dining room, into a hallway, then back through the dining room into the kitchen, and finally back through the dining room to the living room. I could tell she was getting tired from the chase so I sat down in the living room and cheered her on, so she could see how far she had left to go.

At my cheering her fatigue seemed to disappear and she smiled with determination as she began to crawl faster. She got about three crawls away from me, and she spotted her toy beside her. She stopped, distracted by the immediate fun, turned and grabbed the toy.

At seeing this I realized it was exactly what I had done. I started after God, following Him in my health and our family's future, but I got tired while chasing after Him. I got distracted by immediate satisfaction, money and food/laziness...maybe not laziness exactly, but at least using exercise time to take care of other things.

So today I cast aside the temporary fun and focus on the only giver of true joy! I am fixing my eyes on him and beginning to walk His direction.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Everything's Falling

So I’m back as I promised. I won’t lie; this post is much easier than I anticipated. Last night was incredible. Our anniversary dinner was INCREDIBLE, and I stayed on point. We didn’t have a big celebration, but our night was perfect (at least I felt like it was).
This morning I was hesitant to step on the scale, but I did it. I probably wouldn’t have if it hadn’t been for the blog. I looked at the number, and had to re-weigh myself 3 times before I believed it. I lost 3.5 pounds this week. I’m only 2.8 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight, and I’m over half way to goal!!!!!
 I guess my body needed a little break to continue losing. I don’t know. I know I feel mentally better today, and like I am recharged for this. I don’t feel like I’m constantly depriving myself anymore. Maybe every three months or so I need to have a few days when I’m not so strict on my diet/exercise regimen…maybe not.
Okay, now I’m going to steal a little of your time to talk about something I’m getting really excited about. Most of the schools in the area have begun, and my semester officially begins on Monday. This is a big deal to me because a new school year signals the beginning of my favorite season: fall.
I LOVE fall! The temperatures become cooler, which is even more delightful after the extreme heat this summer.  I love to watch the leaves change colors and begin to fall, and this year it is even more beautiful as we’re now surrounded by more beautiful scenery than I’ve ever been (NWA is incredible beautiful). Fall also brings some of my favorite foods. All things warm, spicy, and comforting belong in the fall…and not just food wise, but clothing too. I can’t wait to sink into the comfort of my favorite hoody and jeans (which I’ll be back in VERY soon…if I’m not already).
All of these things are part of why I love fall, but my favorite part is the marriage enrichment program my husband and I enter: football season!!! Okay, many of you may be wondering how this is marriage enrichment, when for many couples it means hubby spends all his time in front of the tv and the wife had better not interrupt him…but it’s not that way for us. When we started dating my husband took me to my first University of Oklahoma football game. It was INCREDIBLE! I not only fell in love with the school, but I fell in love with sports. I could go on forever about it, but I won’t. Since then our weekends in the fall are spent watching football…non-stop.
This year we have a new person to route for on the professional level. My husband’s boss’s son is a highly skilled football player, and we are excited to watch him play on Sundays (or Mondays, Thursdays…whenever he plays and it’s televised).
Stick with me for one more paragraph. I have to brag on my husband for a moment. My husband was a very skilled football player in high school as well…and would have been in college if he wasn’t injured his senior year. Because of his experience he is very knowledgeable about the sport. It is amazing to watch him explain why a play broke down, and what a player could have done better, without being a jerk about it. He explains it so I can learn. I love how he teaches me more about his passion. I love learning about the sport and the positions, and I love that he can teach me. THIS combined with our extra dates for games, is why football season is marriage enrichment for us.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Confessions and Celebrations

This week has been really crazy. We spent the weekend visiting my mother in Tulsa. Needless to say, I didn’t stay on track with my diet. I ate way more than I should have, but  I tracked and new what I was doing. I just figured I would use most of my weekly points on Saturday, and then do well the rest of the week.
Saturday night we went swimming, and it was BEAUTIFUL outside. The breeze actually made us feel a little cool in the pool. When Aria was finished swimming (meaning we felt she was getting cool), my husband, sister and I spent some time chatting in the hot tub. It was the first time I was in a hot tub in nearly TWO YEARS!!! It was WONDERFUL!
Then came Sunday. I stayed on track points wise on Sunday, but it started a spiral that I wasn’t prepared for. Aria was a little grumpy Sunday morning, and we thought it was just her gums (we are right on the verge of her first tooth). We tried to give her something for the pain in the afternoon, and she got sick…like REALLY sick. To make an incredibly long story shorter, Aria was sick all night, and all day Monday. And, my husband wasn’t feeling well Monday as well (completely unrelated illnesses). This meant I was running around the house trying to take care of two people.
Through all of the madness I stayed on track, until Tuesday. As my husband left for work he remembered that he had a monthly meeting that night, which meant he wouldn’t be home until very late. I was exhausted from taking care of the sickies the day before and getting very little sleep, so this news left me sad. I am so proud of my husband for working so diligently to provide for our family and prepare for our future, and it was completely selfish of me to be anything but proud of him for going to the meeting.
After he left for work things got a little better as Aria was nearly back to normal. Her illness was just a bad case of allergies, thankfully. But, by the end of the day her allergies were bothering her, as well as her gums. She didn’t nap well through the day, and was VERY fussy because she hadn’t seen her father all day, so when she fell asleep that evening I was very quick to cook myself dinner. I measured out exactly what I was supposed to have…ate it…and then went back to finish what I made! UGH!!!!
 I don’t think I can make an emoticon as sad, or embarrassed as I feel. I nearly cried when I realized what I had done! I know better than to turn to food for emotional validation. I felt so guilty. I confessed later to my husband, nearly crying. So, this is my confession. This week has not really been that successful. I guess, overall I didn’t eat many more than my weekly points, but I am still disappointed in myself.
I guess I knew that I would eventually go off track, and I am proud that I realized it, and can correct it. Yesterday I stayed on point, and today I will to. I am prepared for whatever the scale says tomorrow, and am not very optimistic. I promise to post whether I lose or gain tomorrow just as I usually would, despite how embarrassing it may be.
Now, to some good news: today is a VERY special day for me. Four years ago today I married my best friend. I am SO blessed to have an incredible husband. He is not only an amazing husband, but a wonderful provider, and an amazing father. I grow more in love with him every day, and am excited to spend many, MANY more years with him.
As a celebration of our anniversary we will be eating at the restaurant we ate at on our first date, our wedding day, and most of our anniversaries (our first anniversary we were in Mexico): Outback. I’ve already picked exactly what I’m having and am working around that to stay on point today. We’re even bringing the meal home to eat it, rather than eating in the restaurant, so I don’t have to be tempted by unlimited bread or an appetizer that I don’t want or need.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Weigh In!!!

So, today was weigh in, and I lost 2.7 pounds this week!!! YAY! That is really incredible, all things considered.
I’ve started thinking that I’m too focused on my weight loss lately, so this post is going to be a little different. Many people don’t really know much about me, so I thought I may give you a little insight into who I am.

First and foremost, I am a God follower. I am a disciple of Christ, and I am NOT perfect. I think part of discipleship is that I’m always learning. And, I’m almost always messing up. I am extremely grateful for God’s grace and forgiveness, and I experience it every day.
Next, I am a wife. Next week I get to celebrate four years of marriage to my best friend. He is the most amazing man I have ever met. I had begun to doubt whether or not any man would strive to follow God’s standards for a husband and father when I met him. My husband is not perfect, but he sure tries. The fact that he puts God first is the most amazing thing in the world, and I am so blessed to be his wife.
I also have a six month old daughter. This you all know, but I can’t seem to stop talking about her. She is the most precious little girl, and I praise God for her every day!
I am a stay-at-home mom. I found a letter I wrote to God when my husband and I first got married, and in it I gave God my future. I had big plans of being a sports writer back then (excuse me while I wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes). I don’t remember writing this letter to God, but it makes it very clear that I felt the call to be a homemaker, and I didn’t like it, but I submitted to that in the letter. Today, I can’t imagine doing anything else. This is the best job in the world, and I want to be a mommy to several little ones.
I plan to homeschool our little ones. The Bible tells us to train our children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6), and that we shall teach our children the commandments of the Lord (Deuteronomy 6:5-9). We believe that public schools are overcrowded and so harshly regulated about what the teach, that they are not where we want our children. We do NOT believe public schools are evil (we both got excellent educations through public school systems), but we believe it is our duty to ensure our children are learning what we want them to. There is nothing that will change our mind on this…don’t bother trying.
Probably next on the list is that I’m a sports fanatic. I love to watch all sorts of sports, and I admire the skills athletes have. Sports seem so physically and mentally challenging and I am in awe of those that excel at them (and even those that don’t). We are huge University of Oklahoma Sooners fans (BOOMER SOONER)!!! My husband is an alum and I will graduate with my bachelor’s from there in May. We attend many of the football games, and look forward to football season from the moment our bowl game ends in January. Yes, we’re a little fanatical, but it is what we do as a couple. It brings us closer together, and we both thoroughly enjoy it.
In a nutshell that’s me. I’m a disciple, a wife, a mom, a future teacher, and a fan. I’m not perfect by any means, but I love my life and I’m grateful God has blessed me with it.